Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I don't want my vagina anymore.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize