K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
