I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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