It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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