Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
