And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Randomize
