i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
