Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
