so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize