Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
