well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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