Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Randomize
