i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
