I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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