She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
40s are totally the cure
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
