Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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