I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
