I just cut my nipple shaving
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
