I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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