She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
