no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
