i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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