one might say we're banned from that church
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
