So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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