all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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