I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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