hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
