The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
