This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
