sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
