My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
