i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
