I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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