EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
