I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
i need some magic done to my vagina
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
