I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
