Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
