marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
