Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
