They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
