There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
