My friends, they love my intelligence
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
