The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
he fucked my hip out of place.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
