Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
