God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
