he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
