This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize