We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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