All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
