Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
