Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I have already put on my inside pants.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
