I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
