I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Randomize
