You made me cry and you don't even care
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
