I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I've blown a few things in my day
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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