Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
