I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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