The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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