New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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