her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
