Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
How does one acquire holy water?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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