i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
