In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
