when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
