He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
