i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
