I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
