There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
