Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize