Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
