he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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