So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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