What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
