So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
