maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
