oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
