come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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